Making Memories..

So last Thursday I flew out to Chicago to visit my Grandmother with Chris and my mom. I was hesitant to go.... I know that sounds horrible but in my mind this trip was scheduled so I could say goodbye and I have a hard time with that.

For those of you that don't know my Grandmother has cancer and it is slowly taking her life. She is my last living Grandparent and my lived with her and my Grandfather after I was born. My Grandfather passed when I was seven which rocked our family and now to watch my Grandmother slowly die is taking its toll on me.

My Grandmother is one of the most loving and generous people I know. She always made sure everyone in the family was taken care and knew they were loved. While I might not always agree with her I have always respected her and I can't help feeling that her fight with cancer is not fair. I know everyone with family and friends fighting the disease says that, but I never got it until now. To see and independent, strong, woman go to one that has no independence at all anymore is hard to see. She is constantly in pain and though her body is shutting down her mind is stronger than ever. Her half cocked smile lets you know she can hear and understand you.

It was eye opening for me to take care of her this weekend and a blessing to do so. It brought me closer to her then I have ever been. ( I'm crying while writing this)It would not have been my first choice as far as a bonding experience, but I am so grateful I got to share that time with her no matter how limited. I am jealous of my family out there and how close they are. I'm sure Brady is tired of me telling him how lucky he is to be so close to family, but now more than ever I can't help but to feel that way. Nothing else is more important in this world than family. Family is your past, present, and future. They mold you into what you are today and how you will be for the rest of your life. God has blessed me with an amazing family.

It puts everything into perspective when you go through something like this. I hope my trip wasn't my final goodbye and that I get to see her again. Depending on what happens I am going out this Christmas. Life is too short to not do and go for what you want and if you want something you will make it happen.

I love you Grandma Stolarski and I hope to see you again soon.

God Bless.